I realized.
I realized I was deathly afraid.
Deathly afraid of change and changing.
I was afraid of the transformation
from being a girl,
to a woman,
to becoming a mother.
I was so afraid and my whole body,
my entire being was screaming.
My physical body was
stretched,
ripped,
bruised
and bleeding.
And I thought it was okay
because that’s what I believed
a sacrifice of a mother was.
I thought this is what mothers do.
That is what we were taught to believe.
because that’s what I believed
a sacrifice of a mother was.
I thought this is what mothers do.
That is what we were taught to believe.
Emotionally and mentally,
i was getting so intensely small.
And my baby was taking over all of me.
I was surrendering my life.
All of it.
and rightly so.
I wanted to do this.
It was my choice to do this.
This noble act.
Of being a mother.
It presumably seemed so noble in concept.
In a hypothetical sense.
within one’s imagination.
But the reality of it was so…
exquisitely painstaking.
i was getting so intensely small.
And my baby was taking over all of me.
I was surrendering my life.
All of it.
and rightly so.
I wanted to do this.
It was my choice to do this.
This noble act.
Of being a mother.
It presumably seemed so noble in concept.
In a hypothetical sense.
within one’s imagination.
But the reality of it was so…
exquisitely painstaking.
Who am I?
Where did I go?
She’s somewhere deep inside
between here and there.
I turn myself in.
To receive myself.
And myself is all I know.
So all I know is nothing anymore.
Or perhaps just something of old.
An antiquated term
I call someone else
I’m in a different dimension.
I’m no longer me.
But I am still the same person.
So it seems……
Where did I go?
She’s somewhere deep inside
between here and there.
I turn myself in.
To receive myself.
And myself is all I know.
So all I know is nothing anymore.
Or perhaps just something of old.
An antiquated term
I call someone else
I’m in a different dimension.
I’m no longer me.
But I am still the same person.
So it seems……
Perhaps I’m just afraid of changing…
Too quickly.
Perchance it is a choice.
But the process takes time.
She was a part of me.
But she is not me.
I am a mother.
Remember…
I am a mother.
What is a mother?
Selfish to say…
I realized….
I was just deathly afraid to give all of myself. Too soon.
Too quickly.
Perchance it is a choice.
But the process takes time.
She was a part of me.
But she is not me.
I am a mother.
Remember…
I am a mother.
What is a mother?
Selfish to say…
I realized….
I was just deathly afraid to give all of myself. Too soon.
It just takes time.
To learn.
To love.
Me.
All of me.
To learn.
To love.
Me.
All of me.
So I can love.
You.
All of you.
You.
All of you.
I give all of me.
To all of you.
Not because I am obliged.
But because I desire.
Love.
Is sacrifice.
Only in the eyes of those looking in.
A mother views differently.
My perspective states otherwise:
Love.
Love is the essence of happiness.
Pure. Pure. Happiness.
To all of you.
Not because I am obliged.
But because I desire.
Love.
Is sacrifice.
Only in the eyes of those looking in.
A mother views differently.
My perspective states otherwise:
Love.
Love is the essence of happiness.
Pure. Pure. Happiness.
Just give me time,
my dear Sophrosyne.
I know I said I’d give you the world.
I promise.
I’m preparing myself.
To give you the world…
that is
All of me.
my dear Sophrosyne.
I know I said I’d give you the world.
I promise.
I’m preparing myself.
To give you the world…
that is
All of me.