the sound of him beating her
resounds within me
like the dull constant beating of my own heartbeat.
it hurts so bad
it’s like the blood in my veins
were made up of a combination between his cruelty and her insanity.
another reminder of who i am
and where i come from.
silent streams of tears come rushing down.
i dare not make a sound.
swimming in a pool of hatred,
self-loathing,
and all things bad.
could anything good ever come of me?
i’m afraid that the identity called “me”
will unmistakably become “them”
subconsciously,
i believe all things beautiful cannot be me.
and that something so beautiful as an insatiable thirst to be loved
will become twisted,
perverted,
and ugly
as it often times does.
can you love me like this?
how great can your love truly be?
is it deep enough to reach my deepest scars?
the scars that still haunt me today?
the scars that still carry its sting?
is it wide enough to reach this wretched soul
in my own misery?
does it go beyond time?
space?
and matter?
can you love me
even if the very existence of me,
i hate?
can you love me today?
can you love me again tomorrow?
can you love me to eternity?
i feel like i could go back in time
and witness the purest form of love
even if it hurts.
i feel like i could fast forward into the future;
travel around the world and see a couple billion faces.
and your face
still be the only one
that reminds me of home.
so you would hold me for a billion years.
and it would only feel like a blink of an eye.
you would love me to eternity and back
and you would tell me it’s not enough.
i would try to grasp and wrap my mind around it.
but i wouldn’t know how.
and i wouldn’t care.
because i would know that I am loved.
and that’s all i ever wanted.
and that’s all i ever needed.
and you would tell me that you would always love me more.